The definition of balance is about as easy to define as the word normal. We've all heard the only way to define normal is a setting on the washing machine. Over the past couple years, the word balance is used in MANY conversations across the board; school, family, church, community, health and wellness, friends, leadership, self-time, the list goes on. "How do you balance everything?" "Where do you find the time?" "How do you prioritize it all?"
For what it's worth:
Define balance as you would normal; it is going to look, sound and feel different for everyone! Jen Hatmaker uses the term seasons to describe the different stages of life we live. Oh how SPOT ON she is.
In just this last week,
I've heard from my friends who are balancing life with infants and toddlers who need a lot from their moms and dads, and are growing and changing through stages by the day. You don't want to miss a moment of it, but need to manage a healthy balance of "life stuff" that puts a roof over our head, food on the table and clothes on our back(that's what my grandpa would say)! :)
I've visited with my friends who are trying to figure out their hormonal teenagers and communicate with them in some form of language they understand. Some days you wonder if they not only live in under your same roof, but do they live on your same planet??? This too shall pass... Treasure the moments, no matter how quick and quirky they may be.
My colleagues and I have discussed how we balance our time at work, living out our passions, with all of the responsibilities as parents and commitments to friends, family, spouses and even ourselves!
Let's not forget about the conversations about ME TIME?!?! Does it exist in any other form than after 9pm and before 6am? If you do find those rare moments, are you burdened with guilt because you are selfishly taking time to put your feet up and watch some Netflix instead of washing, switching, and folding the mounds of laundry that NEVER cease??
Another friend is struggling with the care of her aging parents and managing their health needs. It's a different responsibility, a new season of life. A commitment we make when the time comes, but one that's difficult to face and impossible to plan for.
I myself, am in the middle somewhere. My season is busy schedules, activities, meetings, and appointments, while making time to enjoy being a family together; balance? I'm just thrilled when I can end the day with 6 healthy children tucked into their beds, feet up beside my husband, and a glass of wine in hand(on occasion :)). That means we balanced all that came our way that day and get to start again tomorrow!
90/10
That's how I make it work. I'm responsible to be 90% in "the game"; school, home, friends, church, family, wherever I am, my focus level under that hat should be at 90%. I reserve 10% for the other hats I wear. I'm a mother, friend, sister, daughter, granddaughter, wife, and more. There is no possible way to be all of these one at a time, 100% of the time. It's the 90/10 rule. When I'm at work, I commit to give 90% of me. The other 10% is reserved for my kids, family, friends, church, whatever makes it's way into that 10%. When I'm at home, I'm a mom at 90%, but 10% of me is back at work, church meetings or social events. When it's date night with my hubby, I promise him 90% of my attention. There is no possible way that I can not think about my kids, work, and responsibilities at all. That's my reality. I find my balance through my 90/10 rule.
Now, to let you in a little further, there are days, times, and moments where I will be 100% in, or 50/50. That's my reality. Each day is a new day. Any given day, I may need to put more of focus under one hat or another. That's my reality.
I'm working on balancing my diet and exercise right now. Measure my macros. Exercise each day. Make healthier choices. Ugh, it's tough some days! What makes it easier is surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people with similar goals. Some days are better than others, but that's how I find my balance.
There's no right way to find balance. Do what works for you, and don't feel guilty about it. God gave us each unique strengths for a reason. We can't do it all alone. We wear a ton of hats. Give it your best under each hat, but grant yourself some Grace when your performing under the other hats you own. God grants us this.
Some days I slip below 90. It's not my plan, nor do I stay there, but it happens. That's my reality. There are days I give less of myself to my kids, husband and home. But, I grant myself Grace and focus on doing better.
Tomorrow I leave for 36 hours with friends - girl time. My thoughts will still be with my kids, husband, and school. It's simply how I function. I think about my students, my children, my family and friends. I think about my responsibilities at work, home, and the community. My students always cross my mind. My kids are always on my mind. But I allow myself 10%.
How do you find your Balance? I'd love to hear from you, as this is a common struggle for many. Have you tried the 90/10 rule in your life? What's working and what's not working?
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